I have seen friendships end in various ways. I have drifted apart from people. The contact became less and less frequent, until finally, I just stopped hearing from the person. I have had friendships end suddenly – either because somebody moved away, and we didn’t keep in touch; or there was a disagreement or conflict that happened that ended things.
If a friendship has to end, I prefer the first ‘option.’ If you kind of drift apart, there’s a chance you could drift back together. Why slam a door and lock it? Why shut out a person who you have confided in and offered support to…or from whom you have received support.
Consider this: The person liked you enough to be your friend for a while…but suddenly, for some reason, they thought you were an asshole — and they cut you off. Or it went the other way around, whatever. Even if they think you’re an asshole, don’t they realize that you’re not ALWAYS an asshole? Do they think that this conversion of you into an asshole is something permanent? They liked you once, isn’t there a chance they’ll like you again?
I have had friendships where an awkward or ugly thing happened, and then there was some time apart, and then we resumed our friendship. Do these ugly incidents have a cumulative affect? Or can they be completely washed away – and the friendship resumed — the friendship having become much stronger now that the boundaries were more clearly defined.
I don’t know. It just seems messed up to just tell somebody you don’t want to be their friend anymore. Instead, just don’t contact them for a while…don’t respond for a while… It seems like such a destructive and terminal thing to do: I now hate you and no longer want to be your friend. What good is that? I don’t know. Maybe it’s good to get cleanse yourself of the poisons of a poisonous friendship. BUT: You liked the person once. Why was that? What really changed? Aren’t we really all kind of a part of the same thing? I don’t know exactly what I mean by that…but…it seems like ending a friendship -like, definitively- that is a voluntary act of separation. Are we really separate? Is separation kind of an illusion?