Harsh Forced Mellow

I’m too sensitive and I know it. In my experience, when I deal with abrupt, blunt people, I don’t do well. There’s one dude in particular who I have worked with for a few years who is pretty blunt. I think he has realized that I kind of shut down around him. I respond to work related questions and the required communications – but I don’t respond very well. I get nervous and start to stammer. The guy has noticed this, and he has adjusted his way of dealing with me. Now I feel like a weak person who requires special treatment.

The guy can’t be himself around me. His way is a cold, abrupt way (sink or swim…work hard dammit, don’t complain [I don’t complain, by the way, I bottle things up…I bottle things up and release them in weird ways])…I mean…regarding him…I mean: there’s much more to the guy’s personality — he’s one of the funniest people I’ve ever met — great, smart, quick, warped humor – the best kind of humor. But obviously the guy has realized that in order to deal with me, he has to tone the harsh down. Or just speak the words that need to be spoken for work stuff – with no added tones either angry or overly amicable. Neutral. I don’t want to be harsh. Maybe I should adjust my definition of harsh. My skin has thickened some in dealing with the guy, and his skin has thinned (maybe). 

Well, now I only deal with him through skype and email – and it seems perfect. Maybe it’s the face to face stuff that opens up interpretation: facial expression, voice tone, huffing and puffing, all that stuff.

I don’t know. He is so smart, he has little tolerance for dumb. I still have a tendency for dumb. He hasn’t given up on me. I’m not sure why. Maybe he should. Or maybe I should NOT give up. Keep responding. Just respond to the words coming out of his face (that I now only see scrolling across a screen). 


About HappyApathy

It eels what it eels.
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